Dear Dr G,

Apart from the men’s health Movember November, I don’t know whether you are aware that Nov 11 is Singles’ Day.

On this special day, I am hoping you can address some myths or facts related to singles.

I am a 28-year-old male and I just split with my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I were together for three years. She had earlier suggested that we should get married.

Don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend was an amazing woman.

However, when I started thinking about long-term commitment, I got cold feet and we broke up. Now, I am back to being single and feeling sorry for myself.

On this auspicious Sunday, as a single man, I would like to put Dr G on the spot about what it means to be single in this 21st century.

I read somewhere that after getting married, most of the couples’ sexual relationship just go downhill, and ironically, singles get laid more than the married ones. Is that true?

Is it normal for a man to be afraid of marriage and having a family, or I am the odd one out?

I hope to hear from you.


A single’s dilemma

Singles’ Day originated from the Chinese word Guanggun Jie. The date 11/11 was chosen because the number “1” resembles an individual who is alone and takes pride of being single.

Strangely enough, the day is also popular to celebrate relationships in China. In 2011, over 4,000 couples decided to get hitched in a mass wedding in Beijing.

In reality, the concept of human being monogamous only emerged in the past 1,000 years. Experts believe monogamy evolves in animal kingdom to protect the infants from other male predators.

The landscape of marriage has of course evolved tremendously. The US Census Bureau recognised more than 110 million residents were single, widowed or divorced in 2011, and that constitutes more than 45% of all American adults.

In fact, living alone has become more popular as the number of individuals living without a spouse has risen from 39% to 42% over a decade.

Adults do not consider getting married important. A 2017 survey highlighted 55% have such attitude towards marriage and the same percentage also do not perceive having a child a milestone in adulthood.

The fact that being single doesn’t mean it’s going to be a complete deprivation of sex.

A survey between 1989 and 2014 found that the frequency of sex usually drops in married or divorced couples, which means it is true that singles are actually having more sex than married people.

The interesting fact from the same survey also unearthed an average person is having sex around nine times fewer per year than the average in the early 1990s.

The notion of “marriage is a healthy estate and the single individual is more likely to be wrecked on his voyage than the lives joined in matrimony” by British physician William Farr in 1858 is no longer applicable in modern days.

As we venture beyond the 21st century, many men and women no longer accept the idea that unless you get married, single adults will stay sexless and unhappy.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle once said: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

Dr G’s advice is: “It’s the journey to find love that is more important than the destination of marriage!”

On that note, for singles out there – Happy Singles’ Day.

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