Dear Dr. G,

Thank you so much for helping me to solve my sexual problems.

I am turning twenty-one this year, and I must confess I started having sex about a year ago.

So far, I have been involved in three relationships and sadly they did not turn out to be as climactically orgasmic as I anticipated.

In my first relationship, my partner reckoned I ejaculate too quickly. To be fair, it was my first sexual attempt, and I really did not know what to expect. She said I came faster than her previous partners.

In the second relationship, I began to get some degree of performance anxiety. On occasions, I did not achieve the rigidity of erection for penetration. Needless to say, like the erection, the relationship did not last long.

I recently have been eating and living a healthier lifestyle. However, I am not sure whether my desire for sex is simply lower than others, or am I avoiding sex due to previous “failures”.

I am really depressed and disappointed with myself.

I really would like to put Dr. G on the spot, as I am unsure at the age of 21, do I really suffer from ED, PE and andropause?

This week, I would like to put Dr. G on the spot to discover whether I am such a lousy lover in bed and doomed for life?

Of course, I am trying to improve on my performance. Are there measurements or tests I can do to find out what sort of lovers men are? If so, can the scorecards be used to measure the performance improvement?

I am young and really would like to have a healthy sex life in my foreseeable future. Can you help?

Yours truly,

Sexual performance and sexology are complex parameters of humankind. The concept of sex being mere evolutionary avenues for procreation and recreation is an over-simplification and does little justice to the understanding of sex. In reality, sexology is a multi-faceted representation of human life, including reproduction, culture, recreation, respect, love and relationship.

Since the advent of oral contraceptive pills in 1960s and the blue pill in the late 1990s, there is a growing interest towards the study of sexology and the attentions towards defending the rights of sex, both in individual and society. As the results of such liberation, there is a drive to delineate what is ideal and what is the identification of “deficiencies”. On one hand, the consequence of such evolution can break down taboos to allow sufferers of sexual dysfunction to seek intervention. On the other hand, the complex and multidimensional aspects of sex can undoubtedly lead to the over-diagnosis of dysfunctions.

Sexual performance cannot be evaluated accurately like blood pressures, as the measurement assesses individuality pertaining to their psychology, emotion, experience and feelings. In the last two decades, the amalgamation of psychology for diagnosis and medicine for intervention has led to the consolidation of tools used in scientific research for clinical utilisation. This has led to the reemergence of validated questionnaires utilised as toolkits of various branches of sexology for more definitive diagnosis.

Perhaps the most objective of all the sexual dysfunction scorecards is the Erection Hardness Score (EHS). This self-evaluated grade 1 to 4 assessment requires the sufferers to grade their erection hardness for evaluation of rigidity for the purpose of penetration. In the Asia Pacific region, the degree of rigidity is often compared to the solidness of foodstuff, using the mighty cucumber as Grade 4 EHS and the vulnerably weak tofu as Grade 1 EHS.

In a more rounded assessment of Erectile Dysfunction, International Index of Erectile Function (IIEF) is more commonly utilised. This is a 15-item self-evaluated sexual function including erectile function, orgasmic function, sexual desire and satisfaction in intercourse. Other assessments of sexual dysfunction for Premature Ejaculation (PE) and Male Menopause using questionnaires such as Premature Ejaculation Diagnostic Tools (PEDT) and Androgen Deficiency in Aging Males (ADAM) are also useful.

The evolution of sexual health in the last two decades has been tremendous and groundbreaking. Some may even argue such fast-paced changes in liberation of sexology are culturally sensitive and ethically questionable. Sex is a complex entity of life involving love, relationship and pleasure. Like all experiences in life, the occasional hiccups and adversity in the bedroom is part of the experience that helps us to improve, rather than hindered as a dysfunction. Malcolm X once said: “There is no better than adversity. Each defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson how to improve your performance next time!” Dr. G is often put on the spot to grade the performance of men between the sheets, seeking guidance from the questionnaires to derive the diagnosis of sexual dysfunction. His attitude is simply to utilise scorecards as a guide, as even when it comes to sex: “there is no better than the initial setback. Each ED, every PE, every loss of libido, contains its own seeds of love, its own lesson on how to improve the scorecards!”

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