Dear Dr. G,

I am a female reader who is wondering you can solve my recent conundrum with my husband, and untangle the puzzles I have with my love life!

My husband and I have been married for twenty years. Of course, along the way we have both focused on our careers, children’s education and trying to ease into financial freedom.

Naturally, sex has second priority in life in recent years; the sparkles in the bedroom had also faded.

Don’t get me wrong. I am reasonably happy (Perhaps being happy is an overstatement, but accepting) sex life will come to its naturally death when the hormonal drives fall off the cliff after menopause anyway.

However, I am just somewhat worried my husband had suddenly taken interest to reignite the fireworks between the sheets.

In fact, judging from the recent episodes how he rose to the occasions, I am rather suspicious that he is actually taking the blue pills.

I also sense some degree of guilt from my husband. This makes me wonder whether he is “out-sourcing” bedroom matters and this “second coming” is just out of guilt?

I would like to put Dr. G on the spot to help me to find out whether my husband is actually on medications to enhance his erection?

If he is, does he really need them?

Lastly, I confess I am also enjoying our “second spring”. I just wonder whether you can tell me whether I should smell rats, or embrace the Romeo Rodent?

On that note, wishing you and other readers Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Sniffing Stephanie

The advancing age can be a cruel reality call to middle age couples’ sex life. The big bangs of the firecrackers of Chinese New Years tend to feel like Qing Ming for men (and women) for a variety of reasons. As men venture into their late forties and early fifties, medical problems such as hypertension, smoking, dyslipidemia and obesity can take a toll on the “prosperity in the pants”. The sad fact is, even men with robust health and exemplary lifestyle, the aged related sexual changes might also creep in.

The “discount in good fortune” for older men’s sexual performance may be due to several reasons. Sexual arousal in men diminishes with age, resulting in spontaneous erections becoming less frequent and intended rigidity less firm and unreliable. Older men also find it disconcerting to lose firmness and suffer from undesirable wilting with minor distractions.

Some men are puzzled as they still rise to the occasions with vigorous masturbation, but face the erectile challenges when having penetrative sex. This is perhaps due to the prominent decreased rigidity and stamina during penetrative intercourse; that may be so apparent during self-indulgence.

The changes in women’s sexual functions can also impact on men’s performance. The advancing age and hormonal changes in the female partner can result in vaginal dryness and atrophy. Often times, intercourse may be uncomfortable even with lubrication, resulting in effortless sexual intercourse days numbered.

In addition to physical and physiological changes in both men and women that dampen the happiness (and hard penis) in the bedroom. Psychological issues are also the important reasons why the firecrackers do not light up like the good old days.

As urbanized lifestyle become more prevalent, sex is often sacrificed as an “unimportant” priority of life, especially for couples working away from each other or raising children in the modern world. Needless to say, when the kids are independent and financial stability achieved. Getting back to the swing of things again may not be as easy as riding a bike, after years of neglect.

The myth that older men “outsource sex” or pop the erection pills regularly is generally unfounded. The truth is that very few men have ever tried them due to fear and embarrassment, let alone become regular users. German researchers surveyed 3,124 older men, of whom forty per cent reported erectile dysfunction.

Ninety-six per cent could name the magic pill, but only 9% had tried one. Cornell study also echoed the similar findings on 6,291 older men, of whom half experienced erectile difficulties. Just 7% can accept the pills in their love lives. In both studies, no extra-marital affairs were documented due to poorer sexual performance.

William Shakespeare is famously quoted in the play, All Well That Ends Well: “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none!” In a world where other priorities in life such as making money and bring up children take priorities, while love and love-making just need to compromise, it is inevitable sexual confidence and trust may be eroded. The diminishing love flame may be an acceptable theatrical happy ending for some, while the re-ignition of the dying fire may create unnecessary drama and suspicion for others.

The blue pills often play a role as the perfect catalyst to create a bang (literally) when sex is iffy after years of neglect. Sadly, lack of sexual bond may also result in a lack of trust between couples to openly talking about ways to bring back the firework. When Dr. G is put on the spot, by suspicious spouses wondering whether they should smell rats or embrace the romancing Romeo. His advice is: “Trust one, do wrong to none, eventually all the love will prevail!” On that note, wishing all the other sniffing readers a fragrant auspicious year of the rats!

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